REALIZATIONS - BEWITCHING

It's not up to ME anymore.
If YOU want ME in YOUR life,
you'll find a way to PUT ME there.



that, I want to tell the whole world.

hmm.. so i found something really interesting today.and i learned something last Saturday that might as well be applied to what i am gonna say here.here it goes..im not really gonna mention what i "found out".. or more specifically, READ.what i am gonna share with u is what i’ve learned.. Logic is the art and science of correct thinking.and during our workshop, cause you see I'm gonna attend work shops again to kill boredom since this workshop is my former workshop where I used to model bum equipment way back. with our guru, he mentioned to us some certain points in thinking.

and people who have the capacity to insult others in their faces. people that tell others negative, useless, bad, and in a way — pointless words..

in Tagalog.. ung mga nagsasabi ng mga kainsu-insultong mga salita sa ibang tao.fo example.. cnabihan ako na "malandi", "backstabber", "haliparot", "leche", "g*go", and the list goes on. minsan hinahalintulad ka pa sa mga peste.. like "ipis".. tsktsk..

ung mga taong ganon. that’s to whom our guru was pointing out.and this is what he said:

"if u don’t have something good to say to someone, just don’t say it. cause in LOGICAL way, YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAY."and his explanation dun sa sinabi nia?.. eto:

"kanino ba nanggaling ung mga cnabi mo? dun ba sa sinabihan mo…? hinde. SAYO… galing sayo. that means, MAS IKAW UNG CNABI MO KESA SA CNABIHAN MO.."

I've read few quotes, yeah believe me I was so damn bored to get these cheesy. Haha
I've take notes of some:
here..

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there because you can’t remember the time of your life when it wasn’t. But one day, you feel something else. Something that feels wrong only because it’s so unfamiliar and in that moment you realize you’re happy."

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

"Happiness comes in many forms. In company of friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dream come true or in the promise with hope renewed. It’s okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be."

"Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real when you woke up you did’t know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was ture wasnt and what you thought wasnt true was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream. The only way you wake up is to face the lies hidden in your soul and you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection you are not alone"

There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries… On such a full sea are we now afloat… …And we must take the current when it serves… …Or lose the ventures before us.”

“Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, running alone is a forced confining. Compassion unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.”

end of persuasion

So, there. It ends today. And I guess it's the right thing to do for the both of us. Setting things free and moving forward. I just can't accept the fact that I looked like a fool, it's not the reason though why I broke up with him. It's just that, I woke up and kill the martyr side of me. I just decided to wake up, for my own sake. i mean, we can't move forward if there's no longer love in us. Right? Though I suck up for looking like a fool. I gave myself to him but I guess it's just not enough. He can't be happy with me and that I should accept. But, there's no reason for me to grieve so I'll move forward with a smile on my face. I'll face the world again and I'll show the world, how worthy I am. I'll give my best at all things except of course for love. I learned a lot. And in the resume of classes, I'll be better and I'll show them who really am I when it comes to this things. That, I'm not just gonna say but That, i will really do. Stick to that.

I just have to open my eyes, so I can stand up again. I'll be over it and I'll be better in time. I'll smile cause I deserve that. I'll also prepare for the up coming battle of the bands this coming february. And this is the last grading, I'll graduate and I'll be the best. I just hope that my Mom will grant me, I wanted to study at wales, United kingdom. so every bad memories in my mind will vanish and fade. I just hope so. And on my career, I think I'm gonna follow my heart. I mean I can't be a medical technologist if it's not what my heart is telling me. I'll be an advertising arts or probably I want to try Tourism. Yep, bring dreams.

I'll show the world that you got me all wrong cause the girl that you under estimate is the girl that will took things on a higher level. I'm awake now. And I can't just stop living just because we broke up or something. No, I'm not going to grieve. I'll stand up. and show you that the girl you didn't had in her worst is the girl that will stand up above and rejoice for success.

I'll be over it, hindi man ngayon or bukas.. pero in god's time. All these pain that I felt will be over and I'll be happy again. Maybe SOMEDAY.. mapapagod din naman tong puso ko na mahalin siya eh. I know that, for sure.

Anyway, somebody added me up in friendster. A 10 year old girl, nakita ko lang ung sarili ko sakanya.. kase inadd niya ako sa Yahoo messenger. Tapos nabasa ko kase ung shout out niya sa friendster " I miss my parents".. naisip ko din na, kawawa naman ung bata kase 10 years old pa lang siya hindi na niya nakakasama yung parents niya. eh ako?16 NA ako. Naiyak ako nung sinabe niya saken na kailangan araw araw tayong mag thank you sa parents natin. I just can't imagine how those words came from a 10 year old girl.

WAITING IN VAIN

ang aga kong nagising ngayon. 6am pa lang, eto na naman ako. Ano bang sasabihin ko? Muka akong TANGA. ay tanga pala talaga. Mahigit 24 hours lang naman kase akong naghintay para sa isang tao na magtext. Mukang tanga lang ako. Gusto ko lnag namang malaman kung ano ba talaga eh, kase hindi naman ako laruan lang na kung kelan maisipang kausapin tsaka lang kakausapin. Hndi naman ako ganun eh, TAO lang ako at sobrang nahihirapan na ako. Hindi ko kase alam kung anu na ba talaga, muka namang hindi na niya ako kailangan eh. Alam ko namang masaya siya, Well sana nga maging masaya siya sa ginagawa niya. Akala lang kasi niya siya ung sobrang nahihirapan dito eh. Pero hindi naman eh, kase kung may sobrang nahihirapan dito AKO yun. Kase ako yung maghihihntay, naghihintay na magtext siya para maayos to. Sobrang mali ba ako? sobrang malaki ba ung pagkakamali ko para gawin niya sakin to?! Sh*T naman eh! Kahhit gustuhin ko ng sumigaw di ko magawa, kahit gusto ko ng sagot hindi ko magawa! PAGOD NA AKO!..

Ayoko ng mag mukang tanga, ano bang dapat kong gawin??!!

siguro nga, hindi na niya ko matatanggap pa. Kaya hihintayin ko nalang na mawala yung sakit. Gusto ko ng magpakalayu-layo para tumakas. Nagwiwish ako na sana magka amnesia ako para makalimutan ko lahat. Sana manhid na lang din ako. Sana..

Sana pag nawala to, makahanap siya ng taong magmamahal sakanya, ung higit pa sa binibigay ko. Sana makakita siya ng tatanggap sa kanya. Sana, yung hindi katulad ko, sana yung close to perfect para mapagmalaki niya.

BEAUTY IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS

Today is nothing more than ordinary, Too many mornings with so much lonesome. yeah, I agreed with that cause that's for me to deal with. And when he does not want to believe everything's that's been said, then I've nothng to do for it. It's his will and That, I wont intrude. Well, if it's wrong for me to expect even just for a small trust from him then, i blew it off. and I'm done expecting things. I don't want to give up but HOW? he can't accept me at my chaos and that, I can't even barely accept too with myself, cause he can't accept me at my worse.
I thought it was so darn easy to stick with " ACCEPT HER AT HER WORST, AND SHE'LL SURELY GIVE YOU HER DARN BEST" cause that's what I'm sticking to. But no, I'm wrong. or Am I wrong?

I think this is what they call "BEAUTY IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS" just like what Jason Mraz said in his song " a beautiful mess" but that's too far for me to happen. He's actually not here in my chaos, and that I should accept.
Maybe that's life for me. I don't know the cure to restore again. I don't know if I can stand up.. sinadya niya akong akusahan na hindi na ko virgin para lang mapaamin nya ako.. DAMN! I can say, that really hurts me. Ang manadya para lang paaminin ako sa bagay na hindi naman totoo, diba parang ang sakit naman ata nun? ilang araw, ilang linggon kong dinala yun.. tapos malalaman kong sinadya niyang akusahan ako ng ganun para mapaamin akong hindi na talaga ako virgin before him? Well thanks! cause that proves me one thing, na kayang kaya mo talagang saktan ako kung gugustuhin mo.

Hindi ko naman minamasama na iquestion mo ang virginity ko dahil alam ko namang lahat ng tao, madmaing sinasabe. Pero sobra na eh, ang gawin yun sakin? di ko akalain na sya pa makakagawa nun sakin eh. Ok lang naman eh, pero masakit. Siya kase ung inaasahan ko na kapag nasa gitna ako ng DARKNESS na dadating sa buhay ko, siya ung una kong matatakbuhan pero I guess I'm wrong for that, cause he's behind them and he's one of those people who allegates and question my whole DIGNITY as a person. siguro wag na lang siya magalala, dahil from now on hindi na ako aasa. Mahal ko siya, pero siguro panahon na rin para siya naman ung magpakita ng pagmamahal.

Maybe I was just a bad person, for him to ashamed me like this. Alam ko namang may kasalanan ako eh, dahil hindi ko sinabe na hindi sya ung first na naka half sakin. Pero bakit ganun lang? Hindi naman ako nanunumbat eh.. pero tinanggap ko naman siya in his worst, pero bakit hinid ko siya maramdaman in his best? Ganun ba kalaki yung kasalanan ko??

The first time I saw his glance I know,I'll love him. That's why I was too "kampante" to trust myself to him. i just thought it'll be that way. The first time I was with him, I thought it'll be just fine. ganito siguro ko talaga katanga para isipin yun.. hindi naman ako ganito dateh eh.. hindi naman ako ganito kahit sa mga past ko ehh.. bakit????

DONE

I don't know how people can easily distrust an individual by saying "I don't believe you", they easily distrust people because of the rumors behind them. COWARD, that's what I call them.

Minsan, nakakapagod magsalita kase alam mong kahit anong gawin at sabihin mo HINDI naman naniniwala sayo.
So, what's the point of even EXPLAINING things? Akala ko lang kase ang tiwala binibigay naten sa taong mahal natin at importante satin. Pero totoo pala yung sinabe ni chito miranda " ang tiwala ay parang tsokolate, pag nalusaw na mahirap ng ibalik pa.. " ako din, wala ng tiwala eh. Sa inyo, sakanila, sa sarili ko. Well, congrats panalo ka na eh. Hindi nako magaabala pang magsalita at magpaliwanag kung kanino man. Kase eto na, tama na. Muka lang akong sirang plaka. Mahirap kase, masakit na.. ETO KA NA NGA EH peo sinasabe mo/nyo/nila na HINDI EH. ETO KA EH.. oh eh di sige ikaw na lang si Karen. Buti ka pa kilala mo si Karen.

Hindi ko lang kase maintindihan kung bakit may mga taong masyadong JUDGMENTAL sa mundo. At higit sa lahat kung bakit pa gumawa si God ng mga taong GANITO. Nakakapagod na din kase eh.. pero ngayon sige. Hahayaan ko kayo, hahayaanko kayong mabuhay sa sinasabe nyong KASINUNGALINGAN. Ingat lang, baka kase ang akala nyong LIE, yun pala ANG TRUTH that will set us all FREE. Pero as for now, maging masaya kayo sa TRUTH na sinasabe at alam nyo. Pero, once na narealize nyo yan sana lang, sa oras na yun wag kong maisipang sabihin na " WAG KAYONG BABALIK SAKIN PARA MAGSORRY DAHIL PINANIWALAAN NYO YUNG SINASABE NYONG TOTOO" sana lang, wag akong matutong magtanm ng sama ng loob. SANA, hindi ako magbago, magbago in a way na hindi na ko MARUNONG MAKINIG sa mga SORRY niyo. YOU DROVE ME AWAY AND NOW I CAN MOVE FORWARD. Kase ngayon pa lang, natututo na kong maging BITTER sa lahat ng bagay. Hndi lang sayo, sakanya, sakanila. SA LAHAT


Decision mo yan, decision mo yan na wag maniwala. At sa bagay na yan wala akong magagawa. Maging kuntento na lang tayo sa mga sarili nating TRUTHS. Panghawakan mo yang TRUTH na alam mo, panghahawakan ko yung aken. Maging masaya ka na lang dyan.

happy new year

When you gotten up on so many things where do you usually start to recover everything that's been loose?When so much things are getting out in the wrong track where do you usually start to put it back?When you lost somebody how do you usually cope up with it? When you think you can't carry things on where do you get your strength? When your about to give up how do you relize about not GIVING up instead?When so many people are telling you what to do, what do you usually do so you can follow your heart and make decisions for yourself still? These are the basic questions I usually ask mysel when I'm about to surrender things. Yeah, I know it's bit of drama but the truth that lies behind those are the facts whe usually have to deal with. Right?

Me, as well have been through this so many times. Cause you know what? No matter how big the love a person gives you when this person becomes weak, the only thing she can do is GIVE UP things. So, you an breathe and you won't have to be confused on things. That's the true love I meant but the love that lies behind these TRUE LOVE will be gone if not pay in return.That's a fact.

I remembered, I tried to wrote my own novel when I was a freshman cause I was one of the literary writer for our school paper. Though it was unreleased because I don't get the chance to finish it. I was kind of obsessed with books back then so I, myself made my own story. It was my boyfriend that became my inspiration but we broke up so hindi ko na tinapos .

Well, I think that's what life is. It's about giving and receiving. If you feel you're not appreciated in all things you've done you'll probably end up with giving up. But, there's still one thing or one person that can change that with just a snap in his or her finger.That's how WEAK I am.

I believe that in life, you'll give your best shot on everything you'll want to get. But if it's not appreciated, all things will fall and fail. lahat may limitation, lalo na kung bigay ka ng bigay.. tapos hindi man lang nakikita yun ng pinagbibigyan mo. Siguro kahit sino naman, susuko sa ganun diba?



P.S. goodnight