C R A Z Y F O R Y O U

I just got home and I've done so many things this day.

Pagka gising ko I've notice na sobrang puno na ung laundry bin ko ng clothes ko. [ take note clothes ko lang yun, walang halong clothes nila kuya ] kase naman hindi dumadating ung labandera namen kaya I decided na tutal wala naman akong ginagawa ako nlang maglalaba.Wala namang masama dba? Kaso, sa kasamaang palad. Hindi talaga ko marunong eh, ung mga white clothes ko tuloy nangitim pati ung light colored clothes ko[ Haha! ] including my new clothes that I got at Just G[one of my favorite clothing line] ang mahal pa naman nun. Pero ayun, achievement ko na din ung nakapaglaba ko ng SARILI kong damit :))

I was finished laundrying my clothes @ 3pm. Tapos napansin ko ang messy na naman ng room ko. UGH! I just got my room cleaned yesterday and now it's all in a mess again. Iba talaga pagka depress ka.

After I laundried my clothes I went straight at the shower to sprite up. I need to get ready kase magkikita kame ni yanna. She had a gig pero nagkita kami ng 3pm para makapag practice sila and sumama na lang din muna ako kase ang boring talaga dito sa bahay. Ayun, andun si ainon. Ambait nung taong yun, madaling pakisamahan tsaka he's humorous ang galing pa mag gitara tsaka kumanta. I've heard he's a full time scholar at sun hwa academy. [gling ;) ]

After ng practice nila, we waited for fred to come home kase he's their beatboxer :)) [whatever you call that ]
kwentuhan muna, and then hinintay ko naman si yanna and ainon. ang tagal kasing magbihis ni yanna, tapos si ainon nagcoconcert pa habang naliligo. UGH :] pero it's fine cause all the waiting are worth it. After that, hinatid na kami nung daddy ni fred sa sagi's resto bar[venue] and tadaa! Guess what's the first song? :] SO SLOW by freestyle cover by Yanna and ainon :] my god HAHA

Akala ko makakapunta sya, sayang lan kasi it would be more fun kung nakasma sya. Well, wala eh. Busy sya kase may reunion sila ng relatives ata nya bukas. OK lang, sanay na ko.

And Whoa! I almost fergot to mention. Ang weird ni Mark Gementera. as in Bang! weird. Before kase ako umalis ng bahay kaninang hapon naka chat ko pa siya. Ang ayos ng usapan namin tapos sabe nya sasama sya samen sa sagi's. Tapos ayun, nakita ko sila nila Macroy, Chuck dude[mastermind :D ], Awe, and Wally sa may rusty lopez. Ayun, sabe niya text text na lang daw.Tapos nung na sa ever green na kami nila yanna nagtext sya. sabe nya " Baby, punta ka dito sa house. Kylangan kita.. " [Baby kase tawagan namen Haha. Wala, matinding asaran lang kaya Baby :D ] kaso hindi naman ako pwede kase tutulungan ko sila yanna mag set up ng mga line up ng songs nila. Nag search pa kame ng mga tabs tsaka lyrics, tsaka ayoko rin syang puntahan kase feeling ko parang may something. Basta, yun ang panget lang. Tapos sabe nya saken " baby inum tayo mamaya eh. wala na kase kami ni April eh.. " so ako, parang WHOA!! Mark, anu yan? parang lalong pumanget ung feeling ko. Tapos ang mas malala pa dyan nung sinabe nyang " Baby, gusto ko mamaya sweet taiu ah. basta gusto ko ganun tayo.. " so, sobrang nagulat lang ako sakanya. Ang panget lang, kaya hindi na lang ako nagreply. Tapos yun, buti na lang hindi siya naka punta. Ewan ko kung baket. Ayun, wala lang, kanina nung nagtext sya nung mga ganun sa ken feeling ko lang na-TEST yung loyalty ko kay jhay. Buti na lang kahit depress ako sa mga nangyayare samen hindi ako NADALA or NATEMPT kay Mark Gementera. Napatunayan ko rin sa sarili ko na FAITHFUL talaga ko kahit ganito yung pinapakita sakin ngayon ni jhay. Na, Hindi ako Madaling ma-tempt.

Going back to the topic, Okay naman ung gig. Masaya naman, nakilala ko yung ate ni Fred tapos ung mga guy friends ni Ate lady. Especially the makulit one si jay-r. Haha, he's may kaasaran ng :" talk to my french tip nails " :)) sobrang biruan kame kanina buti na lang hindi ako pikon. Tapos yun, andun din sila justine tapos family and close relatives nya, si patrick, gelo[friend ni yanna], si paula, si erick tapos dumating din si qio. Ang cute tignan nila qio and yanna, la lang ang sweet nila. i can say I'm envy. Iba kase eh.. ayun, Haha, si justine naman pinakilala ako dun sa pinsan niya si John-John parang adik talaga yun si justine. Haha :))

Tapos may isa pang group aside from yanna's group na tumugtog. Magaling din, kaso wala daw FASHION SENSE :))[ ang maldita namen :)) ] nung tumutugtog sila nung MIGRAINE naiingit ako, haha :)) kaya tinawag ko si yanna sabe ko sakanya tutugtog din ako :)) kaya yun! Haha parang naging Gig ko na din yun kase tumugtog ako ng CRAZY FOR YOU haha. dapat si Ainon ung kasma kong tumugtog eh kaso nung pinapunta ako ni jutsine dun sa tabe ni John-John sabe ko sakanya kaming dalawa na lang tapos si yanna yung kakanta :)) so yun, kahiya lang. Haha si Jay-r kase papansin sumisigaw ba naman ng "Go patrick!" tapos ung daddy naman ni Justine sumisigaw ng " Go John-John!" nu ba naman yan. Haha hanggaung dun mei niLILINK pa din saken. Overwhelming din kase after ko tumugtog sabe sakin ang galing ko daw :)) flattered ako :))Sayang wla sya dun, hindi nya nakita yun.

Hmm. ayun, ang adik ko. Kase nilakad ko mula dun sa sagi's hanggang 7-11 nahihilo kase ako. Kahit isang baso lang ung nainum ko na red horse. napilitan kase ako nakakahiya naman dun kila kuya jay-r tsaka ate Lady kung tatanggi ako kaya pinagbigyan ko na ng isang baso. Pero that's all hindi ko lang talaga trip ang lasa ng alak.[Walang halong kaplastikan] Ayun, mejo nkakapagod. Kaya pagdating ko sa bahay namen, ang ginawa ko Haha. nagtry akong maglagay ng eye liner :)) ang tapang ng itsura ko Haha. para akong EMO :)) YUCK!





yan yung video nung So SLOW yung kinakanta :)[ upload ko next time :)) Ang tagal kase eh. Antok na ko :* UmUWAAAAAAA. love lots-- kareeeeeen :D

tagalog post

Nakakapagod tong araw na to, kahit hapon pa lang. 10:30 na ako nagisingwhich is super late na sa tamang oras. May lakad kase kame dapat ni jhay ngaun. Kaso, lakad ko lang pala yun. Medyo nakakadissapoint lang, hindi niya kayang gumising sa tamang oras para makasma sakin. Ang babaw ko right? Well eto ako eh.. pero recently natututunan ko ng maging cold at maging patient. Hindi na ko gaya nung dateh na hindi ok kapag ganito, tsaka hindi na ko siguro nageexpect. Expecting is one way of hurting our self diba? Ayun, nakakalungkot lang kasi. Dapat happy thoughts yung mailalagay ko dito kase ok na kame ulit ewan ko. Siguro ang tao napapagod din na siya na lang ng sya ung nagmamahal, yung nagbibigay ng importance, naglalagay ng effort. Pero, wala eh. Ganun pa din yung situation. Parang ako pa rin ng ako.Hindi ko man lang maramdaman na importante ako. Na worth fighting for. Binibigay ko naman ang lahat, sinusubukan ko naman. Pero wala, ganun pa din.

Habang na sa mrt ako kanina ito lang yung nasa isip ko, na akala ko masya naman ung masusulat ako dito sa blog ko. Puro na lang kase sad thoughts. Kaya umuwi na lang din ako. Sobrang lungkot kase magisa. Tapos dumaan ako sandali sa hospital, binisita ko si lolo. Nagpa-confine kase sya. Malapot daw ung dugo nya. Nag last will na nga sya kahit sobrang lakas pa naman nya. Nakakalungkot. Ayun, balak ko na din sanang ipakilala sya sa rst of my relatives na nandun s hospital kaso wala eh. Siguro matagal pa bago mangyare yun.

Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko, hindi ko kase alam kung napapsaya ka sya. Ang bigat sa damdamin. Bago ako matulog isa lang pinagppray ko, isang APPRECIATION man lang. Siguro hindi ko lang talaga fate na mabigyan ng ganun kase I was made ro appreciate not to BE APPRECIATED.

Mamaya may lakad ako ulit. As usuall ako lang ulit magisa. Hindi ko sure kung may kasama ako pagpunta dun sa acoustic nights na OJE ni yanna sa sagi's resto bar. Mas masaya sana kung siya ung kasama ko. Pero wala talaga. Wala siyang time. That, I should accept.

too much to ask

So I went at gateway, Sm shoemart and ali mall just to look for this meyer's book. I was so desperate to buy it but all book stores are out of stocks. Depressed na depressed na kase ako sa mga nangyayare kaya eto, gusto ko nlng idaan sa pagbasa ng libro hoping na after matapos ang isang libro may totoong edward cullen na lalabas sa mundo ko. Haha.. katawa lang. I just wonder where did Meyer got all her ideas of a real guy which's made to be just for fiction things.

There, I was about to buy a stuff toy at blue magic but I changed mind. I want something for my room/bed sana para may ma-cuddle ako pag matutulog na ko since I don't have a room mate. But, naaaah I did'nt buy stuff toy.
The whole day was a crap. Why? first; I did'nt have the book that I was looking for and second; I don't have a load. eh di sana si jhay ung kasama ko. Haha Well too late, it's done. i'll find for that book again tomorrow. But, I'll find for it alone cause I wont ask trebs to come with me.Come what may, whoever wants to come with me then it's an open invitation. Maybe, I'll go shopping nalang. Haha

Hai. * sighs* I missed him already. I missed everything about him. How he mad me smile even on his most corniest jokes or simply on his small "kakengkoyan" But it's gone now. That's gone now and I don't know if that's gonna come back again. I don't have the guts to say I miss you. i don't know why. Maybe, I just got exhausted of things around me. kahit naman siguro sino maeexhaust. Especially when your showing off your YOU your whole and yet you don't see appreciations and in return all you'll hear is doubts about your "PAGKATAO"


sobrang hirap kase na kinquestion ung pagkatao mo. Ok lang sa ibang tao, kung ibang tao. Pero, hindi naman sya basta basta ibang tao lang eh. Mahirap kase na eto ka na nga eh, pero kahit anong gawin mo sa sarili mo WALA. Ganun pa din.. Kaya siguro ganito na din ako. Hindi na ko malambing, hindi na ko nakakapglambiong. NAKAKALIMUTAN ko na ung salitang LAMBING. nagiging bitter na ko kahit hindi ko naman gusto. Pano ko ba ipapaintindi sayo? pano ko ba ipaglalaban ung sarili ko? kung mismong ung lakas ko hindi naniniwala saken. Andun sya.. nagpapakaduwag..


I just remember the movie "Second Chance", sana ganun kadali parang pelikula.. pwede mong idirect kung anung ending.. kung anung umpisa.. parang pagsusulat ng script. Sana ganun kadali.. para hindi ganito kasakit.


"IF YOU HAD ME AT MY WORST, THEN YOU CAN HAVE ME ON MY BEST"

siguro right now.. yan nlng muna masasabi ko.Ito nalang yung way ko para maexpress lahat ng gusto kong sabihin atleast ang blog walang feedbacks. Walang "hindi ako naniniwala" andyan lang para makinig saken.
This is the only thing that's not hurting me atleast on the simplest ways.

reunion

When you're about to give up, when do you usually do to keep your self from loosing control? Me? I'd usually look on the brighter side of each individuals. And then look around the people who truly loves me as I am. I was at my lolo's house last night cause they had a little reunion.We [lolo] had a little conversation.Starts with, how are you miming [ they usually call me that, bugs me though ] then I answered with fine though I'm reall not doing fine. He told me about how he loved my late lola. My Lola used to be so bungangera and ny lolo's vice versa. She usually the selosa one but really, I witness how they loved each other. They're the ones who took care of us since. That's why I'm the favorite apo as well as my brothers :) I can see his unfamiliar smile when he saw us last night. And that's very touchy and ofcourse I had all his attention for the night. Iwas so spoiled that even though his old and weak his still the one who get food for me. But his 91 and still going farther. I know that.And hey! My titos made me sing!ugh1 that's first time. And I should'nt really let them know that I was the former vocalist of my Kuya paopao's band. Ugh1 I never do the karaoke thing before so that's first time! UGh!

I talked to my ex boyfriend at the phone and our conversation goes well. We're friends now and even though I've hated him for hurting me I've forget that.That's what my lolo used to tell me. Forgive, accept and Forget it.And he already take back whatever rumors he said. Although it's too late for that. I just can't plant angers on my heart and that's one thing I adored about myself but on the other side when times got complicated that's one thing I hate about myself. I mean, how can I just forgive, accept and forget things when it's started to ruin me? Lame huh?I complicate things and I'm not about to see the brighter side that I'm telling. I'll buy a new book today and I have no kasama,. Gerald will go with me if he doesn't hav a lakad but he has YFC things so he can't go with me.So I ask trebs if he can go with me and bang! he's in.

It's 11:16 and I'll meet him at 12 so I better go. i'll share stuffs when I get back.


I'm still not doin any better. Hope it'll be better soon.

random post

Gelo went here without me knowing cause I was asleep. That, really pissed me. I mean, yeah he's been on my room quiet times before. But that's wrong as a 16 year old yankie. I know you know what I mean. Right?

So there, My Lolo came and I still haven't seen him yet. I hope I got some pasalubong. I just remembered my childhood memories with my lolo. He's fun to be with and everytime I recieve an award from my school back then He's always the one who pu the ribbons on me or the medals. Like back when I was in kindergarten. I was the fourth honors and I lead the opening prayer for that. God, I won't forget that. I was this small and all the high schoolers was there. COOL I can say. He thought me how to deal with people around me. But I just can't handle it, I was too shy to express myself. But I realized, it's not what I fear.

What I fear is that, when I do things that will take me to the top, there might be some who'd pull me down. Just like right now. Just like what's happened right now at the point of mylife. I'm not showing off. I'm not gonna show off cause I don't wnat to be hated. But great, I'm still am. Whatever I do I'm still bein hated. Either ways I do i'm still am. Well that's pretty hard.

I already stopped playing my sport. I stopped playing my instruments. I stopped drawing. I stopped dancing even those things we're the one which I really like from the very start. I no longer have the guts to show these off. I end up saying ayoko na kase tuwing gagawin ko yung mga bagay na or kahit nga wala akong ginagawa lagi nlng ako ung may mali. nakukuha ko, kaaway. kainis lang..


You see, it's hard to compete with pressures. Most especially when you've loose everything and you've nothing to count on. Good thing I still have Gelo here, although he's a wiener Haha! kidding there. I mean it, he knows everything about me. After 10 years of being with him he knows all of my secrets that's why he's not gonna believe any of the gossip guys. That's sorry or you. :)

Anyways, I was really lazy to get up to my bed but I was surely excited to check my IM cuase he might be online and tadda! he is online. So, there I apologiez for being a wimp and for calling him a weiner.I just had a thought of continuing our band and have practice for the battle of the bands that will be held at our school. I want to show off these time cause I want to prove them right, that I'm more than just a pretty face and it's less rumors. I'll prove everyone worng for their gossips and rumors. I know I can and this time it's gonna be them who'll plead. Even though my first day's goin to be a bang for me cause i will be suspended for my irregularities in attendance. Watta freak. It's my first time in my whole life. I never got suspended or violated in my past schools but yeah, what's high school if I won't experience those. It'll be pretty boring for sure. They'll just make me praythe rosary. Lame, I know.

I hear I song, that's playing on my mind right now. the LUNOD by danita paner it's kind of local but still very warming :)

It's nice to know that at the end of the day when everyone doesn't seem to believe you as a whole, there's still someone nearby you can count on. who can decode your thoughts. And then without even doubting you, that's really comfortable and touchy. Right? Maybe he just stands up for what he said to me that we don't have the right to judge one's worth through the pressures they had. Thanks for that.


Word of the day: benta!:P

YAHOO MESSEGER

Last night at Yahoo Messenger:

G: hello
K: hello din :)
G: merry chirstmas. Ok ka na?
K: ok ako palage. same here
G: sus. pretender. 10 years na taung magkaibigan kilala kit. alam ko kung kelan ka nagsasabe ng totoo at kelan hindi.
K: sana kilala nya din ako noh?:D
G: so sya na naman pala?
K: sinabe ko ba?
G: hindi, pero pinaramdam mo.
K: tama na nga.
G: punta ko snyo bukas may aabot lng ako.
K: wag na.
G: bkit?
K: yokong makita ka. haha :D
G: woooo. if I know. Haha
K: tss. assuming ka.
G: hehe
K: tawa ka jan..
G: wala ln.. masama ba? patawa ka kc. kupal.
K: hmm
G: oh bakit?
K: wala lng. naicp ko lng. kung di ako humiwalay sau ng school mangyyare kaya to?
G: tss. fate mo yan. tanggapin mo. sinisisi mo na naman sarili mo eh. gago ka
K: so kelangan may mura?:D
G: nkakainis lng kc..
K: bt ka naiinis?
G: hndi ka naman dating ganyan..
K: anong datehng ganito?
G: dati kc hindi ka naman nagppaapekto.. dateh naman hindi ka nagppkatanga sa mga bagay na ganyan..
K: haii
G: totoo dba? asan n kc ng dateng karen? ung karen na lumalaban? ung karen na kaya lahat?
K: tao lng naman ako. npapagod din..
G: tsss.. kainis ka..
BUZZ!
K: ano?
G: dateh rate nagiging top 2 ka pa.. asan na ngaun yun?
K: ewn ko..
G: tss. gamitin mo kc.. bt ba? nagpapaapekto ka sa sinasabe ng mga tao.. kaya tumigil ka ganun? nu ba naman! nasau na laht eh!maganda ka, matalino ka namann. magaling ka magdrawing, mag guitara, magpiano, magdrums.. gumawa ng web designs.. tapos sinasayang mo? tae naman oh.
K: eh yoko na nga..
K: tangina. dahil nga jan sa mga yan kaya nagkakaron ng haters. whats the point of even using it. tapos in the end ikaw pa ung may kaaway, so kahit di ko kilala kaaway ko? OKAAAi! god damn1 sawa na ko. puro naman sila paninira!!
G: haii.,,
K: totoo dba?!!
G: cge out na ko. pagisipan mo nga yang mga sinabe mo. pasalamat ka..
G: tae kupal mo..
G: nagbago ka na nga..
K: ok..

SEEING LESS

i just woke up and Hey! it's Christmas time.I got all the presents but to let them know, I'm not happy. I appreciate it. But it's not what I need. I guess God didn't hear my prayer last night. Maybe He just don't hear what exactly I said. No material things, No luxurious stuffs only my family and my "boyfriend". Was that hard? well maybe yes cause I'm a bad person and this is how He repay me.He can't see how I changed a lot of my life since back then. He can't see how I repay others for what I've done. pagkagising ko una kong ginawa, umupo and tumunganga. Magreminisce kelan ba yung huling pasko na masaya ako? it's 5 years ago.

Last Christmas ganito din yung scene, my 2006 christmas ganito din ulit. Christmas pa nga nun nung nagbreak kame ni Carlo. It's funny how things get in to the TIMING. Laging Christmas season. HAPPY with bitterness.


Ganun ba ko kasama dateh?


My mom, told me we'll be online for Christmas eve and guess what? I didn't hear anything from her and I've waited for3 hours just to talk to her and I've got nothing but the whole waiting thing. I understand, I'm not hatting. She's got work to do so she did not make it.

Just like a line from a song I used to listen;

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you


That's where I an right now, right at this moment. Thinking what's the right thing to do. My Lola offered me a once at a shot glory. She asked me if I want to flew in the states once again. But I told her I want to think it over. My life's in here and it's hard to let go of the world that I used to be with.

Where and how would I start. I'm at a world that's so out of control. I tried not to loose hope. But my knees are getting weak to once again , hold on. Hold on to the things I'm keeping. But what will you do if the things that made you, doesn't want you anymore? doesn't hold on to anymore.

A man that's know nothing but to get confused of everything, and this everything was about to begin to make me blame myself. I knew this whole thing should be blame on me. this is my fate. A fate that's so making me bend on bended knees and dried up eyes.

I'm getting tired of everything. Since, I've been giving all for this. I put my faith, so much faith but you just threw it away. And I can feel that it's time for me to give worth to myself. and it's as well time for you to make me see how this love can go through without seeing more but SEEING LESS.

I'm not giving up. I won't but if it's you who's about to give up then, i've nothing to do anymore.and that's the HARDEST.