SEEING LESS

i just woke up and Hey! it's Christmas time.I got all the presents but to let them know, I'm not happy. I appreciate it. But it's not what I need. I guess God didn't hear my prayer last night. Maybe He just don't hear what exactly I said. No material things, No luxurious stuffs only my family and my "boyfriend". Was that hard? well maybe yes cause I'm a bad person and this is how He repay me.He can't see how I changed a lot of my life since back then. He can't see how I repay others for what I've done. pagkagising ko una kong ginawa, umupo and tumunganga. Magreminisce kelan ba yung huling pasko na masaya ako? it's 5 years ago.

Last Christmas ganito din yung scene, my 2006 christmas ganito din ulit. Christmas pa nga nun nung nagbreak kame ni Carlo. It's funny how things get in to the TIMING. Laging Christmas season. HAPPY with bitterness.


Ganun ba ko kasama dateh?


My mom, told me we'll be online for Christmas eve and guess what? I didn't hear anything from her and I've waited for3 hours just to talk to her and I've got nothing but the whole waiting thing. I understand, I'm not hatting. She's got work to do so she did not make it.

Just like a line from a song I used to listen;

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you


That's where I an right now, right at this moment. Thinking what's the right thing to do. My Lola offered me a once at a shot glory. She asked me if I want to flew in the states once again. But I told her I want to think it over. My life's in here and it's hard to let go of the world that I used to be with.

Where and how would I start. I'm at a world that's so out of control. I tried not to loose hope. But my knees are getting weak to once again , hold on. Hold on to the things I'm keeping. But what will you do if the things that made you, doesn't want you anymore? doesn't hold on to anymore.

A man that's know nothing but to get confused of everything, and this everything was about to begin to make me blame myself. I knew this whole thing should be blame on me. this is my fate. A fate that's so making me bend on bended knees and dried up eyes.

I'm getting tired of everything. Since, I've been giving all for this. I put my faith, so much faith but you just threw it away. And I can feel that it's time for me to give worth to myself. and it's as well time for you to make me see how this love can go through without seeing more but SEEING LESS.

I'm not giving up. I won't but if it's you who's about to give up then, i've nothing to do anymore.and that's the HARDEST.