Depressive state

It's cold and early, it's nice that I never woke up so late anymore. Like waking up at 3pm. I don't know but certainly my eyes and then my mind tells me to get up and fix my self.But darn, he's still my first thought this morning. Sometimes it's like a routine, that I must do all over and over. I was getting tempted again, temptations to sms him and tell him how much I feel for him. I'm still badly broken about what's happened yesterday. I don't know what to think. My dilemna's getting deeper as it grows.

What will you do if you discover that the person you're about to give your whole life through tells you that he don't know if he CAN love you and he DOES love you?pretty hard right?You'll came to a point that you tells yourself "tama na, ayoko na.Kasi sobrang saket... " but you know to yourself that you just can't. He doesn't even have the slightest idea of how much it does hurt me. I saw him crying but I don't know if that's for real. I don't know what does it mean, does he cry because he made a mistake for taking me?does he cried because of his love for me that he can't fight for?What can I say? COWARD yes, it's hard to deal with. But it is what it is and there's nothing I can do for it. He's small love for me, that I can't change. It's his heart that tells it, even if I want to grow it big.It's only him that can grow his love. And the only role that I have is to stand up when I got down, and to WAIT for him until he gets back.


hindi ko matanggap. I came to a point that I become bitter, I'm flamming, I'm hating. Can I make it? can I make them stop saying bad things about me that's isn't real?!cause it knocks me off and it tears me down. Will that make them happy? to see me down?! Then congratiulations! cause they won the game. I won't fight, cause i'm at my edge and i'm tired of protecting myself and for fighting for myself. HAPPY NOW?

It's hard! it's hard to compete. When I'm about to tell the truth they just did the whole same thing, the same thing they did.The thing they do just to tear me. I'm tired of this.

I know it is my fault. Is this her revenge to me for I did pissed her way back then?PLEASE STOP. just please.